Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
