what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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