my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
