I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
