worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
We don't watch enough power rangers
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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