I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Randomize
