Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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