now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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