If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Randomize
