Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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