Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Randomize
