She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
