The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
