Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
