Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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