you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
