For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I just cut my nipple shaving
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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