vagina is talking i cant
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
