is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
