He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
