So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
