I just made out with a guy for $7.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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