one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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