im having a threesome with these popsicles
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
