And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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