"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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