If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
