I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
