its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
