I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
