You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
