I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
