glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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