i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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