Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
