Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
