who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
