Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
