don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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