I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
