maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
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