Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
