i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
