I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
