I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
