first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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