You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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