It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
