Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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