i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
