so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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