no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
