That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I AM VODKA MAN
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
