Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
