final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
